In the past I didn't really understand the music genre called "noise" (like the band BOREDOMS or other contemporary atonal music). However, now, when I see movies like the above, I'm able to FEEL something.
After publishing of "Shisshoku Joshi" people asked me "What does is feel like to lose your job and home at the same time?" A question which I've never been able to answer.
At that time, I couldn't sleep well since the noise of my own screaming would wake me up. However, saying "I felt constant fear as though I was screaming all the time" in words just doesn't quite communicate to the person who has never experienced it.
To be able to understand something that I didn't before is sweet; I'm sort of pleased by my evolution. The experience I despised before may have been just what I needed to grow and to build a better understanding of the world.
Thanks to all your support, we were able to print books to share at the literature event on the 25th! Thank you all, SO SO much, 사랑해, I am so grateful!!
I also designed a pin badge and took it to the fair cuz I was terrified and was SURE the book wouldn't sell at all. Since the badge was safety measure, I hid my true self and made sure the badge looked cute-sy, thinking it would achieve better popularity.
We actually expected a lot of sexual harassment from men (daily occurance in Japan). I was scared, had to keep telling myself "Hey, just being there would be a victory in and of itself!"
I decided if I could just STAY at the event the whole time I would be satisfied-- that would be my integrity and I would establish credibility and confidence in myself, which I lack.
At the event I told everyone visiting our booth why I decided to make this book, my beliefs, and how I want people to know about Hysterectomy/ Endometriosis. Even the word "Uterus" is considered sexually explicit in Japan which is pure ridiculousness; that's why we decided to title the book "Until the Penis Reaches the Uterus." We're fed up by all this sexual harassment/ inequality/ double-standard and wanted to challenge the situation.
I also talked about how I hope women of older generation to read this too. There's SOOOO much stigma to hysterectomy here, yet the bulk of women having hysterectomy are women in their 50s-60s who have been through worse oppression than our generation.
To my disbelief, women AND men actually listened to me!! Not one of them criticized me or told me the book was pornographic (like how we were by a certain crowdfunding firm). I was so surprised a lot of people actually bought the book (quite more than the badges)!!
Also to my disbelief, half the people who bought the book were MEN!
Men buying our book said they wanna read because they have female friends or co-workers with Endometriosis or mothers who had hysterectomy. They said its hard to learn about this stuff cut it's so hidden, no one talks about it and they're afraid it would be harassment if they ask.
Also several couples bought it too, and the boyfriend was like "Yeah let's read this! I need to learn about this stuff!" to the girlfriend-- I thought I was gonna cry!!!!
Thanks to all of you for enabling me to have this amazing experience!!!!!!!! It wouldn't have happened without your support-- not just money wise, but spiritually.
One customer actually gave the book to his mother and sent us this picture. It doesn't even matter to me if the mother reads it or not (although ofcourse I'd be elated if she does), I am relieved and honored merely by the fact that the mother held the book and wasn't like "I don't wanna touch such a filthy book!"
Sorry for the long entry, thanks again!!!!!! Thanks for reading, Salanghae Yo!💗💗💗💗
The book we're trying to self-publish "Until the Penis Reaches the Uterus" is narrated by the uterus. Yes, you heard right! The uterus itself talks in first person about endometriosis and hysterectomy.
By the way, do you image the womb as a man or woman?
The uterus in or book is neither a man nor a woman, but it talks in a hard-boiled manner. I image the uterus drinking bourbon quietly by himself in a classic-style bar. Kinda like Humphrey Bogart in "Casablanca."
How Does the Uterus Feel before Being Removed?
When I finally got an appointment for Hysterectomy after a loooong hopital search I was elated. However, I realized it must be awful for the uterus.
So I tried talking to it.
"Hey, do you hate me for leaving you? Are you mad at me? Do you hate the fact you're being removed?"
But ofcourse, I didn't hear anything back. As author Nahoko Uehashi says, we can't know what's going inside our own body.
So I just imagined having a conversation with the uterus. Here is what came to me.
≪Scene: Uterus and I are sitting side by side at a luxurious bar counter. The uterus is sipping bourbon, wearing a hat. I am drinking warm herbal tea. ≫
"Hey do you hate me for leaving you? Are you mad at me? Do you hate the fact you're being removed?"
"Huh? No way! In fact, why didn't you get rid of me sooner? I hurt you all the time, there was so much bleeding, making you always anemic. I ruined your life, work, hobbies and relationhips. Do you know how frustrating it is, just watching you take in all of that!? We internal organs are the happiest helping you, the host, to live a rich fulfilling life! To just exist and not have a life, that was the last thing I want to see from you. If your quality of life is going to improve by losing me, that would be more than pleasure for me!"
"But uterus, you're dying, are not you scared?"
"Haha, kiddo, you make me laugh... That's just humans' narrow way of thinking. Us internal organs and cells are individual and one at the same time. My present form is as is because it was temporarily put together as "uterus." If I stop functioning, it is not "death," it's just a change in state of being. Even if it seems like I'm gone, I will always be with you. "
Fundraise Ends in 2 more hours!
Please please help us out in funding our book. In it, you get to read more of Uterus's words of wisdom (sometimes shallow)!
I read the "The Deer King (Nakahashi Noriko)." It is a super good read highly recommended, a MUST read if you have a medical condition.There are three themes to this bookaccording to the author:
"One can not know what is happening inside their own body" "Inside the human body, viruses, bacteria and others elements correct and fight with each other day by day" "This phenomenon is similar to how society functions"
It is a story where cultural anthropology, politics, aristocracy, warriors, female assassinator, spy group and general people are intertwined. Plus there are action scenes and forbidden love story involved. On TOP of that the book covers the theme "What is disease?" "What is life?"
The book is so intricate, I'm gonna explain only one part of the book:
Story takes place in a land recently occupied by Zol Empire. People of Zol do not drink animal milk or inject vaccines or medicine because they believe it is "穢れ（a Japanese concept where the soul becomes impure)". Zols also believe that one becomes sick become his/her actions were "filthy" and the body has lost its purity.
When the Zol empire prince catches a deadly disease called "black wolf fever," he actually sacrifices his life by refusing medicinde by injection saying, "I'd rather die than lose my purity."
Female Disease = Filthiness?
When I read this part, I recalled the time when I informed my family about my endometriosis. Here are some of the things they told me:
"What sort of filthy things did you do to get this condition( in reality, a more vulgar expression was used)?" "Don't leave the house, don't go to the Doctor's because our family will be shamed." "Do not get any testing done." "Do not take medicine."
At this time, I had no clue what they were saying and got confused.
Endometriosis is an autoimmune and hormonal disease. Sickness is caused because immunes attack its own body, which it shouldn't do. So it's due to the body's control system having a glitch. It is not a disease caused by viruse or bacteria. Endometriosis is NOT STD! That is why there is no cure for endometriosis currently.
Japanese Belief: "Filth" Contaminates the Entire Family
However, upon reading this book I finally came to the realization that my family's words are from their belief that illness is caused by ones "filthy actions," and medical examination and medicine causes "impurity in the body."
Especially in Japan, the indigenous belief that associates women with impurity is still prevailent. Long ago, women were isolated from their community and confined to a hut during menstruation since she was deemed "filthy." Even today women are not allowed on Sumo rings; words such as menstruation or uterus are considered "obscene, "as I experienced.
My family is still slave to that ancient faith. Me, a woman (filthy by nature according to them), to have a condition associated with menstruation, considered the PINNACLE of filthiness was just NOT ACCEPTABLE. My family went bezerk when I told them I have endo, cuz in Japan one family member's "filth" is believed to contaminate the entire family. This belief live to this day; it is considered a social faux pas to send New Year 's cards to people whose relatives have died the past year.
Now I understand what they were really saying to me was "No way, You DO NOT have a uterus condition because if you do, that make US filthy!"
Is YOUR Uterus "Filthy?"
So in Japan the Uterus itself is often times seen as a "filthy" organ, but I don't believe so! How about your Uterus? Is it filthy? Ofcourse not! The Uterus is a good organ; and I'm not saying this because it allows women to carry children.
Contribution Deadline TODAY!!
The book we're trying to self-publish, "Until the Penis Reaches the Uterus" is narrated by the Uterus itself. Yes, you get to read the Uterus itself how it feels to be a Uterus with endometriosis and to get hysterectomy.
Fundraise Deadline TONIGHT!
68,400yen in donations, thankyou thankyou thankyou 💖
Thanks to you all, we've got this much donation so far! I am so so so greatful!💎💎💎 You still have tonight to donate; I'd really appreciate it if you could help us out.
